Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I've Been Avoiding You.

I have a little confession to make... I've been avoiding you.

It's not personal - I love blogging so much, and sharing this whole journey with you, from where I started with an awful car accident, a very messed up back and out of shape, to running my first marathon and working towards my first ultra marathon, has been amazing. I've met so many wonderful people through here, you all inspire me and I love reading your blogs too. But I want this to be a positive place, where I share the best parts of my day and talk about my favourite things in the world: running, fitness and food.

Trying to write this very post at the airport... over week ago.

The reason I've been avoiding posting (for the past two weeks, anyway) is that things have taken a really upsetting turn and I just haven't been able to come around to looking at them in a positive, upbeat "I will be stronger for this" kind of way just yet. I kind of figure no one wants to read a sad post, so I've just avoided it altogether.

But after reading touchingly open and honest posts by two of my most favourite bloggers (here and here), I was inspired to open up too. I appreciate when bloggers let me into their worlds, and odd as it may seem, the bloggers I follow seem like friends. No one's life is perfect, and it doesn't feel "real" to only read about the great things in a blogger's life - so I'm going to be honest too and hope you'll forgive this downer post for today.

So now I guess you're wondering what on earth happened?!

On Wednesday morning, two weeks ago this morning, I was in another car accident.

(Look familiar?)

Someone wasn't looking as they were coming off the highway onto a merge ramp, and hit my car hard from behind. My neck was fully turned when I was hit, so it's caused a lot of problems with my back and neck. I'm having a hard time sitting and just getting through normal day-to-day things.

Remember the ultra marathon that I am registered to run on Saturday, the one I spent the last 4 months training for and putting in back to back 20 to 22-mile runs, followed by 10 mile runs the next day? I was REALLY hoping to still be able to run. Yes, I know that was probably naive and stupid, but you know how it is when you want something so badly. I was convinced that I would run anyway, even though I knew it would be very painful.

I started physiotherapy yesterday, and got the news that I was dreading: the ultra is out of the question. Not happening.

Needless to say, I'm heartbroken. It's hard not to feel a little bitter that barely 2 weeks before the big day, after all the miles had been logged and so much of my free time this summer was sacrificed to get those long (and I mean looong!) runs in, I won't get to experience the feeling of crossing that finish line, or to call myself an ultra marathoner.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I'll be honest, it's a struggle. I went back to work yesterday and I am starting to get back into a routine again, but I am still spending my evenings in bed with ice packs on my neck and heating pads on my back waiting for things to start to heal. I know I have a long road ahead of me, lots of physiotherapy and I know it's going to be a painful process.

Sister time and ocean help to make everything better.
Now if only I could turn my neck!!

Right now I am leaning on my family and friends, and taking things one day at a time. It's hard to wrap my head around everything, but I know I will come around, and I'll set my sights on a new race to work towards.

And when I cross the finish line, it will feel that much better knowing that I will always choose to fight, and I will get back on my feet no matter what.

- - - - - - - - - 

Tell me about something that you're training for (so I can pretend I'm cool and training for something too!)

What was your proudest race you've ever finished?

And, because I'm planning on consuming at least my body weight in ice cream this week, tell me what the best flavour is!!

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  1. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that the Ultra is out for this year. Im sure you'll kill it next year though.
    I'm training for the Fiddler's run 10k lol. I ran 10k for the first time last week and celebrated with "Udderly Devine" ice cream. Its like frozen heaven

  2. Sorry to hear you were in another accident! I hope your recovery is as speedy as possible. I had wanted to run the same ultra but couldn't make it work this year, though that is by far not the same as having trained for the entire thing and not being able to run it. Great job on all the training you put in, it was still time well spent. Sending you hugs and best wishes and positive thought and just imagine how well we'll be trained for it in 2014!!!!

  3. I feel I owe a comment as your blog has helped me through a very hard time - I was 88/108 runs in to training for my first half-marathon when I just couldn't run anymore from an unexpected pregnancy .... After which my life changed. A lot. My boyfriend broke up with me because of the baby, my job contract wasn't renewed (cut-backs) leading to relocation and debt while on maternity leave. And that's just the start, it got harder. I found lots of inspiration from your blog - thank you. Honestly, thank you.

    I'm training for a 10k in two weeks, and then what looks like a really fun night race in November. I did my first 5k since the baby last week with a PB! I'm really stinking slow, but you have to start somewhere :) I'm faster than if I wasn't doing anything at all. I hope maybe next fall I can try a half-marathon again.

    Now ice cream! I can always use a dipped cone or peanut buster parfait from DQ, a vanilla Oreo with strawberry sauce mcflurry from McDonald's or my favorrite marble slab mix: broth day cake ice cream/cotton candy ice cream/gummi bears (and if its a really bad day, add sprinkles in a chocolate dipped waffle cone).

    Wishing you all the best!

  4. Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry girl!! HUGS! Hang in there- it will get better!!

  5. So sorry to hear this!! Can't believe this happened to you again : (